#49 - Bad Dudes

 If you don't like what I'm saying, then won't you slap my face?



Give it to 'em proper, Duke.

"The President has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to save the President?" Duke Nukem says this in what has got to be one of the best opening lines in any NES game ever. Unfortunately, I was not a "bad enough dude" to save the President. The ninjas kept coming at me hard and fast, and they throw things at you that you can't hardly see, and you wonder, "Why didn't I just pick up Double Dragon? At least it's kinda sorta more playable than this!"

One problem I have with Bad Dudes, in a list of many, is that I was only able to play this game by myself. Side-scrolling beat-em-ups, no matter how crappy, are always best enjoyed with a friend. In a game like "Bad Dudes" where crappiness is the law of the land, it's essential to have a friend along to share your pain. Otherwise, you'll die... and die... and die some more. As "Bad Dude" Billy (I think...) or Striker, your only weapons are your fists or kicks against ninjas who can throw barely visible shurikens, ground weapons (the proper name fails me), and all around beat you up without realizing it. I know, I know: you're considered "bad" because you're going up against enemies who are stronger, faster, and better than you; plus their fashion sense is way better than your trashy black wifebeater, and khaki pants ensemble. So it makes sense that you would only have a small range of moves, but for the love of criminy, would it kill them to give the dudes a little more health? Your health wastes away quicker than a piece of Bubble Yum.

If you can stand losing lives for retarded reasons, you can advance through the game fairly well. Continues are plentiful, and you always start over right where you die. This game can be beaten, but again, without a friend, there's not much reason to. Graphics are kind of bad, except in some places where they're kind of good. The animations of the dudes and the ninjas didn't impress me, but the second level stage where you're fighting on top of a train looked good. Music is tolerable to good, but the sound effects are atrocious. When you beat a boss, your dude exclaims "I'm bad" with a Linda Blair-Exorcist style voice. It's not "Skate or Die" voices, but it still ain't pretty. Control is also serviceable, in that the buttons do what you tell them to. Again, I wish the dudes has more moves, but it is the Nintendo; not much room for six button combos.

This is a game that's tailor-made for a frat party, where the frat is filled with old-school gaming nerds, but they still like to drink and act like retards. The concept of being a "bad dude" would certainly be a lot more interesting when one's inebriated and hanging out with one's male friends. Unless that is your scenario, though, or you don't have Double Dragon 1-3/River City Ransom lying around somewhere, leave these dudes alone.

C-