#25 - The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends

Must we treat our little kids like brainless meat puppets...

 

All I can do is sigh at this.

As you start up this game, a demonic symphony of bleeps and bloops bores into your brain. The letters "T," "H," and "Q" appear on the screen, signifying that yes, Satan's hands have indeed been on this project. The next screen showcases the name "Radical Entertainment" followed by the developer's names... yes that's right. These "Radical" dudes openly admitted that they made the game in the first couple of screens! At least wait until the game is finished to display your names; less people will see them that way. Have you no shame, no guilt for your misdeeds? Here are their names: Chris Lippmann, Rory Armes, Ed Konyha, and Paul Wilkinson. If any of your childhood was lost to this game, these are the men to track down.

Where to begin? I'm not really an angry guy, as my friends will attest, but I can understand how games like this birthed the Angry Video Game Nerd. They're not just difficult, they're not just poorly made, they're flat-out stupid. No programmer should be content with a game where using your special move (a special that's required to destroy enemies or progress in the game) decreases your health; where you can't possibly avoid enemies, so you have to just run and take hits like a friggin idiot; where every part of the game just spells "paycheck" and nothing more. This game was released in the early '90's! It was a time when decent video games were around every corner, and at the very least, you could play one and get a feel for how a good game was made.

I also hate Rocky and Bullwinkle, but that's not lowering my score any. It's just signifying what I've always thought: Rocky and Bullwinkle (and friends) are retarded characters that no one cares about. If the programmers cared, they would have made a better game; if kids cared, they would have cared that this game befouled their beloved animated creations. No, Rocky and Bullwinkle are beloved by none, and so, this crappy game fits right in with their canon of cartoons that has aged as poorly as Pamela Anderson's breasts.
(My apologies if you actually like Rocky and Bullwinkle. So did I as a kid, but then I also liked "The Return of Jafar." Shows what I knew.)

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For flavor...