#90 - The Blue Marlin

Catch ya a Marlin, did ya? No. No you didn't.

PROTIP: Watch out for sharks, lest they destroy your lure, your boat, and your soul.


From the makers of The Black Bass comes the next in publisher Hot B's outrageous line of fishing games, The Blue Marlin. Unlike Black Bass which was invented for people that live in Minnesota and North Dakota and say "Ayuh," The Blue Marlin is geared more for the "brah" in all of us. Instead of gestating on a humble fishing boat for hours on end, you actively seek out your Marlin prey in a speedboat along the coast of Florida. Certainly, the game tries to make the act of fishing more exciting, but it doesn't matter when, like most fishing games or fishing in general, it can take hours to catch something. And as mentioned or implied in my Black Bass review, wasting hours on a virtual fishing game should leave you dead inside.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to capture the Blue Marlin and become a AA ranked fisherdude across America, and possibly, the world. The game's presentation is leagues better than Black Bass. The intro music and animation of waves tries to lend the game an exciting feel, and it almost works; especially when the blue Marlin jumps out of the waves and tries to skewer you through the screen. You input your name (Marley McBrah), pick a location in Florida, and you're off to catch a Marlin. Unlike Black Bass, where it felt impossible to find a fish, there are scores of fish traveling in each location. The lure hangs off the back of your boat, and you drive the boat around the fish so the lure lands in their circle. Once you engage in battle with the Marlin, it becomes a wha? situation, as in, what am I supposed to be doing? Pressing "B" either tightens or loosens the line, but that didn't help. I assumed pressing "A" really fast would bring in the fish, but when that didn't work either, I tapped left, up, right, down on the directional pad, all to no avail.

I will say this: The Blue Marlin is the best fishing game I've ever played where I didn't actually catch any fish. The presentation, the controls, the relatively accessible nature of the game - until you hit the part where you're, you know, actually supposed to catch a fish and the game falls apart like so many crumpled Twinkies. So yes, if you can dissect the control scheme for reeling, this game will probably be as enjoyable as a fishing game can be... whatever that means. Dead inside, remember?

C

#86 - The Black Bass

Not just any Black Bass. The Black Bass.

I'm not sure I'd use the word "Power" to describe anything about this game.


Fishing has never really been my forte', but I do see its appeal: sitting out in the middle of a lake with a bunch of dudes, drinking beer, and just enjoying the day. The point isn't so much about catching fish, but about enjoying the serenity and splendor that only a day spent in a boat with your buddies can provide.... Actually, as I'm explaining it, fishing sounds really, really lame. What an atrocious waste of time. Even if I did catch a fish, I wouldn't want to eat it because I hate seafood. In short, fishing is wrong, which makes Black Bass a sin.

Alright, maybe fishing isn't wrong, per say, but there's absolutely nothing right with this game. It's the epitome of virtual and real boredom, in that, nothing happens in the game, and consequently, the game makes you feel empty and lifeless in reality. It isn't so much that the game is programmed poorly, either, because everything works as it should. You pick your spot on Lake Amanda (surely named for one of the game designer's daughters), set up shop, and cast your line into the light blue water. And then you wait, and wait some more, and maybe, possibly, if you're lucky, greater lengths of time will pass and still nothing will happen. Surely fish must show up at some point, and perhaps, they will even swim over to the bait that you've provided for them. They might not take it, though, and even if they do, you might lose the fish and have to start the waiting process all over again.

Couch anglers love these games. Believe it or not, fishing games used to quietly sell millions of copies throughout the Nineties. There's nothing to compare the fishing-game phenomenon to, either. All other niche genres possess some type of actual gameplay, like dating sims or Harvest Moon/Rune Factory or Koei feudal Chinese war sims. Black Bass' gameplay consists of changing out your bait, catching fish, and, as you catch more fish, moving on to bigger and better lakes. The goal is to get from 200th place in the Wranglers Tournament into first, but oh my, how long that would take you is anyone's guess. One can't say it lacks in replay value, but I don't want to think of how many man-hours are wasted in games like these.

I can't decide if I'm being too hard on Black Bass or the people that love fishing games. I suppose if you live in a concrete jungle, like Phoenix, and you need to get your fishing kicks from somewhere, consoles aren't a bad place. Or you could go buy a live fish, throw it in a tub full of cold water, and bust out the ol' bait and tackle accordingly. It might be sillier, but it gets the job done. Since fishing is less about catching fish and more about the experience of waiting around for hours on end, Black Bass will certainly fill that slimy large-mouthed bass gap inside your heart. The other 95% of the population can take a pass.

D

*Yes, I skipped a number. Bionic Commando was directly after Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and while I have put some time into it, I don't feel qualified enough at this point to write a review for a game that's so beloved by NES junkies everywhere. I plan on reviewing it next week sometime after I've gotten a little farther and am able to make a reasonable judgment on it. I never played it when I was a kid, but so far I'm liking it a lot. It's different and difficult, like so many great NES games.