I don't like giving crappy things any credit whatsoever, but I will say this about "8 Eyes": it is playable. It's not fun, but it's playable. This is a step above our old friend "720," who had a bone to pick with whoever wanted to actually use it for its intended purpose. Don't get me wrong, though: playability aside, "8 Eyes" is not your friend. It's a dark destroyer from worlds past; an evil entity that tries very hard to mix "Castlevania" with a dungeon crawler and fails miserably.
You start out as Simone' Belmon' (actual name Cutrus) and his bird friend, Orin. I use the term "friend" loosely because Orin is about 10x cooler than Cutrus and could totally run with the in crowd if he wanted to. Anyways, you pick a stage from seven different locations around the world, each one more fiendish than the last. Walking around and destroying enemies seems all fine and good, until you realize that the levels seem to keep going in circles. It's impossible to advance, and the enemies keep coming, and your bird keeps flying off your shoulder even though you don't want him too; and as he flies away from you, schmoozing with the enemies, he's getting hurt, and then you get hurt trying to bring him back, until finally you want to shoot him and be done with it because he won't obey you because he's JUST TOO COOL!
While evil lurks around every corner in this game - skeletons, mummies, Africans (who knew?), etc. - the real evil is the control. Push A once and you might sling your rapier. Push it again and you might jump. But hey! Who needs consistency in a game that only utilizes an A and B button right? Seriously, the games' control scheme was ahead of its time, in that it tried to do too much with too little. Put this bad boy on the Xbox, with its 16 button layout, and you might get somewhere. Otherwise, gently set the controller down, have a warm mug of cocoa, and forget that 8 Eyes ever befouled your Nintendo system with its presence.
D
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