#192 - Double Strike

This cover's kinda cheesy, but so help me, I can't help but get a patriotic tear in my eye when I look at it.

The background graphics are surprisingly well-done, also (thanks to CoolRom for the image).

I wonder if there are any Double Strike fans out there on the Intarwebs hoping against hope that I give their beloved unlicensed shooter a good score. I don't pretend to think that I hold much influence or sway over the online retro gaming community, but it would be nice to get some crazed fan of 'X' or 'Y' game either praise or ream me for my review. I know such people exist because the Internet spawned them from the earliest gaming forums back in the 14.4k days. ANYWAYS, Double Strike is a slightly above average, yet incredibly addictive shooter from everyone's favorite Chinese development company, Sachen. You know, the guys who brought you Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu! Well, put all negative/obscure thoughts about that game behind because Double Strike is a winner. I will describe it in one sentence: it's as if 1942 became a horizontal shooter. You face an onslaught of green and gray planes, some larger than others. Red planes handle your power-ups, which range from bombs you can drop (appropriately with the 'B' button) or upgrades to your main firepower. Die and you lose your power-ups. Sounds simple enough, but the game is fast-paced and tough. They start you off with six lives, no continues, soldier, and if that's too many for ya, well, suck it up and pretend you only have three. Then when you die three times, reset the game and start over. Like a man, I guess. Double Strike won't break any originality awards nor will it get Nintendo's coveted (and expensive) seal of approval, but it's worth its weight in downloads.

B-

#191 - Double Dribble

     Before NBA Jam, Double Dribble kept it "real" on the "streets" or so it goes.

             Lime green and fuschia colors really boost the players' morale.

My new favorite digitized speech sample on the NES officially comes from Double Dribble. The first words you hear when you boot up the game are a crackly, obviously Japanese voice saying, "Da-bu Daribu." Some poor developer/sound engineer/janitor over at Konami of Japan was forced to say two difficult English words, and now it's forever immortalized. Excellent! Anyways, for an early attempt at a basketball game on the NES, Double Dribble scores. It's low on stat options, but it's heavy on arcade action, which is exactly what I want from an NES sports game. The "B" button shoots the ball or switches to the next player and the "A" button steals/blocks the ball, or if you're playing offense, passes the ball to the next player. Unlike the poor salaryman voice sample from the title screen, the controls feel natural and fluid, which is the key to success in any fast-paced sports game. And yes, the game is surprisingly fast, probably at the expense of the low-budget graphics. Seriously, at the beginning cinematic, the people look like piles of gray entering a stadium. Obviously, you'll want to rock this game with another person. One player is still enjoyable, but lacking. Still, this is the best basketball game I've played on the NES so far – that I can remember anyway. It's been awhile! Long live Konami and long live DA-BU DARIBERU!

B+

#190 - Double Dragon III: The Sacred Stones

This cover pales in comparison to Double Dragon II. Technos wasn't even trying for this go-round.

Yes, Eighties metal bands are out to seek their revenge against you and your appreciation for grunge music.

Kidney stones? Gallstones? Stones upside your head? Biblical stoning? Double Dragon III brings the pain with little regard to the player attempting to beat the game. Not only are the foes a great deal harder in this entry, but you only have one life. Let me write that again: you only have one life and the game begins like you started on expert mode. Having another player join the fray is like taking a couple aspirin when you have a migraine: any sort of relief you feel is a placebo effect. The real trick to this game is learning the vast array of moves (surprisingly vast) and repeating them ad nauseum until you say, "This is silly. I shouldn't have to repeat these powerful moves over and over again simply to beat some peon. I'm turning this off and playing Double Dragon II." My personal favorite move was the mid-air somersault. If I pulled off two or three of those, my foe would be vanquished, as opposed to the five to six times I'd have to punch/kick his face. I have no problem with a game series increasing its difficulty, but Double Dragon III does it poorly. The game would still be difficult if you gave the player three lives and left the computer AI the same. Couldn't the one-life option be for the super hardcore players? Here's the real issue: maybe with time, energy, and patience, you could destroy this game, but it's still not as memorable as Double Dragon II. After the blockbuster epicness of the latter, Double Dragon III is a real kick in the stones.

C-

#189 - Double Dragon II: The Revenge

                        This cover is about as epic as they come on the NES

                                    Billy eats oversized cogs for breakfast

After rescuing his beloved Marion out of the clutches of his evil brother, Billy Lee went back to working five nights a week as a delivery boy at Luigi Mario's Pizza. All he needed was a one bedroom apartment, his girlfriend, and primetime television to make him happy. His days of blood on the streets were over... or so he thought. Crime syndicates began to take over New York City, forcing local businesses to pay ridiculous fees to operate on their turf. Any time a goon from the Black Warriors tried to take money from the pizza shop, Billy told them to beat it or he'd beat them. They complied, but not without exacting revenge. One day, Billy came home to find his girlfriend Marion blindfolded and shot, execution-style. Billy knew then that his fists had to come out of retirement. He reconciled with Jimmy, and embraced the relationship they once had as children. They swore a loyalty to protect the streets and to take down the crime syndicates... or die trying.

Double Dragon II may not be the best co-op game on the NES, but it is my favorite co-op game on the NES. Contra may be more intense and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II may bring back more childhood memories, but the hands-on, git-er-done approach of Double Dragon II has always held great appeal for me. Every aspect of the beat-em-up gameplay has improved from the original. No longer do you simply progress from one level to the next. Each level is a set-piece from an Eighties action film (complete with Ah-nuld and Charles Bronson-esque Abobos), taking you from rooftops to inside helicopters to underwater bases. Double Dragon II's not as cinematic as Ninja Gaiden, but the influence the latter had over the cut-scenes is definitely there. The graphics are cleaner, the levels and backgrounds more varied and colorful and the sprites less squatty. While you no longer level up your moves, you have a greater variety from the beginning. Billy and Jimmy can even team up to do face-busting group moves. Even the single player experience, while not the preferred method obviously, is reasonably entertaining. In short, you have no reason not to experience this game.

After many grueling levels, Billy and Jimmy are battered, bleeding, but still standing. They've been through hell and back, but they've come upon the last boss, an enigmatic figure known only as "The Mysterious Warrior." Several well-timed punches and Hurricane Kicks later, the Warrior has been defeated. The Black Warriors see their leader defeated and scatter to the winds. Though Billy and Jimmy have saved the day, it is a bittersweet victory. Other syndicates have heard of Billy and Jimmy's antics and want them dead. Billy knows he has no one to come home to, no one to throw his arms around... or so he thinks. After the final battle, Marion runs up to him, somehow resurrected. He throws his arms around her, not questioning the fact that she rose from the dead. Her sudden reappearance, coupled with good ol' American tenacity, gave Billy the courage he needed to take on the other syndicates. Jimmy reluctantly agreed.

A

#188 - Double Dragon

                          This cover looks a lot sillier than I remember as a kid.

Abobo is one of my favorite NES bosses of all time because he looks like a peanut with a mustache on steroids. Also, his name is ABOBO.

Double Dragon for the Arcade revolutionized beat-em-ups: it introduced two-player co-op and the ability to pick up an enemy's weapon after they dropped it. It gave you a wide variety of kicks and punches that you had to gain through the experience of beating your enemies. It was a truly influential game and the arcade version is still ridiculously fun to boot. As expected, Double Dragon was massively popular, which resulted in a port to every system on earth (yes, even the Atari 2600). Despite the fact that many still hold the original NES Double Dragon in high esteem – undoubtedly due to it being one of the first of its kind – it is the epitome of an average port.

While the basic gameplay – punch, kick, level up, progress – was left intact, Technos must not have been able to work around the NES' limitations for some key features, namely co-op. That's right, there is no co-op for the original Double Dragon. I find this interesting because I always forget Double Dragondoesn't have co-op until I play it. This is because I generally associate the Double Dragon series with Double Dragon II, which contains one of the best co-op experiences on the NES. There is a two-player alternating mode, but it is a poor substitute, to be sure. Not only was co-op eliminated, but the developers could only put two enemies on the screen at a time. Since you couldn't have a partner with you, this was probably for the best, but the screen always seems so empty. Couldn't Technos have put in some background animation to give the appearance of movement?

At least the NES version keeps the brutal story intact. In the first scene, you see some greasy thugs walk up to your girlfriend, punch her, and take her away. Honestly, that's all I would need to go all renegade on some fools. It's one of the best openings to any NES game ever, and I'm honestly surprised that Nintendo didn't make Technos take out the scene. Nintendo wouldn't allow crosses on a tombstone in Ducktales, but apparently punching a woman is a-ok.

I can't really fault Double Dragon as a whole. It's not a bad game if you can look around the omissions. Co-op is truly the heart of the Double Dragon experience, though, and for Technos to not include it feels like a punch or possibly a kick to the face. Perhaps my strict code of NES-only ethics should prohibit me from saying this, but if you want a better version of the game that includes co-op, I recommend either the Master System version. It's 8-bit, it includes co-op, and while it may not be arcade perfect, you can play with two people. Oh yes, there's co-op.

C+

#187 - Double Dare

An abnormal amount of bright yellow and pink went into the making of this cover.

                  Demon Monkey wants your soul and also a banana or two.

Remember slime, Gak, and any other number of "gross" products from the 1990s? Nickelodeon popularized the hell out of disgusting amorphous blobs, and Double Dare, an original Nickelodeon game show, made sure that kids got a lot of said disgustion heaved onto them. The show was an entertaining diversion, but it paled in comparison to other original Nickelodeon shows, like "Ren and Stimpy," "Rocko's Modern Life," and even their live-action line-up, like "Salute Your Shorts." It's no surprise, then, that Double Dare feels like an afternoon's diversion, at best; a time when you and a friend are sick of playing Contra or Double Dragon II or some other better two-player game. There are two sections of the game: a quiz show portion, and a "physical challenge" portion. The quiz-show is standard answer-the-questions fare. If you don't know the answer, you "dare" the next team to answer it. If they don't know an answer, they will "double-dare" you, and finally, you can challenge them to a, well, physical challenge. The latter part is where things get rough. If you are going to succeed, you have to line up your speed and your angle just right (via a speed/angle bar), but with the thirty seconds given, it can be quite the challenge. Should you have the patience for two five-minute rounds with your host Marc Summers and some doofy looking kids, the winners will go on to an obstacle course. Here, Rare throws out any sort of sense when it comes to controls: wiggling Left and Right moves your character, Up and Down moves your character up, and I throw the controller at the screen, breaking it and my tube television (why would I play 8-bit games on an HD TV? I'm not asking for pain). Double Dare dares you to give a crap beyond fifteen minutes of play. Will you accept the challenge?

D

                                         Let's all feel old... together.

#186 - Donkey Kong 3

      Thank God this is the "original" Donkey Kong 3 and not some Chinese ripoff.

       Stanley's imminent death approaches. Look at those evil worm bastards.

Very few people have played this particular entry in the original Donkey Kong series and it's often seen as the black sheep of the original trilogy. Said haters should go and replay all three Kong entries back to back. Donkey Kong 3 is more of a button masher than the first two, but the replay value for it far exceeds Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr. You play as Stanley the Bugman, in his first and only starring role, and your purpose is to push Donkey Kong back up his vines and off the screen where he belongs. Bugs will also come and attack you, and also try to take your flowers at the bottom of the screen. Your flowers will give you extra points once the level is done, so you want to protect them WITH YOUR LIFE. Hit the bugs and Donkey Kong with some bug juice to beat each level. It's simple, fast-paced fun. Much like the first two, the levels repeat, but the arcade style of Donkey Kong 3 lends itself well to this. I definitely don't mind replaying these levels as much as I did in the first two games. Different harder enemies emerge the further you get into the game. Your only real power-up is an add-on that turns your bug spray into mustard gas, and Donkey Kong and the bugs really hate that.

As far as gameplay or overall gaming impact, Donkey Kong 3contributes very little. It came out in 1984, the year of the Video Game Crash. As a result, it wasn't nearly as popular as the first two, and those that did play it, didn't think much of it. Still, time has been kinder to this entry than to its older brothers. Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr may have been more groundbreaking, but Donkey Kong 3 is arguably more fun.

B+

#185 - Donkey Kong Classics

  I'm pretty sure Mario would get squished if that hammer hit Donkey Kong's head.

                       This screen is the only new addition to either game.

JUST IN CASE

Donkey Kong

Donkey Kong Jr.

If I'm not mistaken, Nintendo created the first game series compilation with Donkey Kong Classics. Of course, it's not the first NES compilation (Super Mario Bros./Duck Huntis the first, I believe), but it's the first to compile two games of the same series. It was an awesome deal for its day, and it's the only way to go if you want some old-school Donkey Kongaction for your NES. Buying both Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr cartridges and switching between them is just plain nutty, unless that's how you get your jollies.

B+

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Despite putting both games on one cart, they still couldn't add the missing factory level to the original Donkey Kong? Were you really that lazy, Nintendo?

How pissed would you be if you bought both the original games, then a mere two years later, Nintendo puts this economical compilation out for a lower price? Gamers became used to this compiling in later console generations (especially this current one), but this was non-existent at the time. Yeah, I would have yelled at the sky.

#184 - Donkey Kong Jr. Math

                            The word "Education" should be in quotation marks.

This is the game that no one asked for. Even Donkey Kong Jr.'s albino brother wants no part of the insanity.

Is Donkey Kong Jr Math one of the most useless games in existence? It's a math game that treats you like you're an idiot; unless you and a friend play two-player moder, in which case it's a tedious exercise in vine climbing and number arranging. As you'd expect, the game has you as DK Jr "solving" math problems, except you don't really solve them. You push a lock up a vine and a bird solves them for you. The latter is the mode "Math Exercise" and it really is as simple and stupid as it sounds. The other mode of the game, "Calculate A +B" requires you to have a friend handy. Big Poppa Donkey Kong is holding a number at the top of the screen, and you are required (by law) to climb vines where the numbers 1-9 dangle precariously. Collect two numbers then add/multiply/subtract/divide the numbers together until you reach the number that Donkey Kong holds. Win five times against your opponent and you win the "game." It challenges my sanity and my patience. Why did Nintendo think this was a good idea for a game? For the love of all things sacred and true, Donkey Kong Jr. Mathwas one of the launch titles! Granted, it was surrounded by a number of mostly decent games (sans sports titles). Still, no one deserved this humble pie in the Christmas of '85. Pass up this game at every opportunity. If some vengeful retro gamer throws it at you, just throw it right back

F

#183 - Donkey Kong Jr.

                                 That banana is ripe for the taking... ::sigh::

      Perhaps the trickiest and most enjoyable level (especially if played on hard mode)

Like all good sequels, Donkey Kong Jr improved on the formula of the original. In a brilliant twist, Jumpman/Mario, the protagonist of the first game is now the evil zookeeper villain and you have to play as Donkey Kong's son to release him. They don't even make stories that interesting in the mainline Mario games anymore (with the exception of the Mario & Luigi series for DS). The level design is more varied, albeit still relatively simplistic. There's just more going on in Donkey Kong Jr: more moving platforms, more enemies, and each stage demands that you move at a faster pace. Get to level 4 and tell me that stage, with the electric enemies that circle around the platforms, didn't inspire future Mario Bros. platforming segments! The character Donkey Kong Jr has incredibly cute features. I love how his upper lip curls up over his mouth as he holds on to a single vine, or how he smiles, almost drunkenly, as he ascends two vines. When he dies, his eyes grow wide and he cries. He feels like a fully-formed character, simply through these detailed animations, and it's easier to sympathize with him than Jumpman.

A couple niggling points remain, though. While it's nice that this game is a direct port of the arcade, there are still only four levels to play. Granted, they repeat endlessly and you can play them on hard mode, but unless you adore these stages and want to have little Donkey Kong babies of your own, the game grows tiresome. Also, Donkey Kong Jr shouldn't die if he falls a mere two inches. It was ridiculous when I was a kid and it's ludicrous now. Still, I wouldn't want Miyamoto to pull a Lucas and re-vamp his old games. They stand as testaments to a simpler era and they should remain the way they were made, flaws and all. Donkey Kong Jr may not be as influential as the first entry, but it's the better of the two.

B

#182 - Donkey Kong

I think it's kinda lame that Nintendo put an image of Mario circa Mario Bros. 1, as opposed to the original Jumpman image featured below. Other than that, it's classic black-box, baby.

Yeah, that's the gangsta I know and love, holdin' a hammer like it's 1985 or some sh** (thanks to donkeykongmuseum.com for the gif)

                                  This is my favorite level in the original.

I don't know if one can overestimate the impact the original Donkey Kong has had on games. Here's a few facts that most everybody already knows:

• Donkey Kong introduced Mario (known at the time as "Jumpman"), Donkey Kong, and the concept of saving a woman to video games. While Pauline is not Princess Toadstool, Daisy or Peach, she is definitely the prototype for the ladies that would later get rescued by Mario.

• Donkey Kong essentially created the platform genre, albeit in a very simplistic form. The original arcade game consisted of four entirely different levels, and involved avoiding or destroying enemies with a hammer, collecting items like hats and umbrellas for points, and going from one end of the stage to the other.

• Donkey Kong was Miyamoto's third game with Nintendo (the first two were Sheriff and Radar Scope and it was hugely successful in Japan and America.

• The success of Donkey Kong (the game made $280 million in two years... in early 1980's money) arguably paved the way for the release of the Famicom and the Nintendo Entertainment System.

So yeah, without Donkey Kong, Mario, platformers, and the console gaming scene as we know it today may have been postponed. I won't say these things would have never happened, as I believe it would have been inevitable, but the release and success of Donkey Kongmade them happen faster.

The game itself is still fun today, although it is very much a product of its time. Jumpman jumps and climbs and maneuvers his way around three very small levels (for whatever reason, the NES release omitted the cement factory level from the arcade game) to reach Pauline at the top. Once you beat these levels – and if you're any sort of gamer, they should only take you about five minutes – you play them again and again and again, with the momentum of the enemies increasing each playthrough. Despite Donkey Kongbeing one of the first examples of a platformer, its identity is still very much tied into the point system of late 70s, early 80s arcade games. The point is to, well, get points, not to reach the end of the game. The problem that I think Donkey Konghas now – and I think Nintendo tried to address by releasing Donkey Kong '94- is that it feels stuck in limbo between a platformer and a points-based game, and it doesn't really succeed well at one or the other. This is not to say that I think the game is bad or that its impact is lessened by this fact. Donkey Kongwas treading new ground and Miyamoto was ahead of his time by trying to throw an honest-to-God story in the game. But playing it thirty years (!) since its release in the arcades, it's very obvious that it's suffering from an identity crisis. Does Donkey Kongwant to be this new adventure-type game that's never been done before or does it want to uphold to the tried-and-true points based method of progression? Let me know in the comments section if you think I'm overstating this or if you think there's merit to my madness.

I'm grateful for the existence of Donkey Kong even if I don't feel that it has aged well. It put Nintendo on the map, and without Nintendo, many of my and millions of others' greatest gaming memories would not have been created. For that, I can only give the maddest of props.

Impact: A+

Actual game: B-

One of my favorite game sound effects of all time is Jumpman when he walks. Priceless.

#181 - Dizzy the Adventurer

Apparently, Dizzy came with this deck enhancer. This appears to be a 32X-like enhancement for the NES. It was definitely illegal, I'm sure. How come I've never heard of this???

I know this screenshot looks like everything that's wrong with the world, but trust me, the game is simple fun!

I'm not sure I've ever hated the main character of a game, but still liked the game itself. Dizzy the Adventurer breaks new ground for me, then. I can not stand the main character, Dizzy the Egg. It's not the fact that he's an egg that bothers me, but he's a snooty, pretentious egg who thinks he can solve everyone's problems. A jester needs something to juggle? "Don't worry, I'm on it!" he says. A lion has something in his paw? "Leave it to me!" You're an egg wearing an Indiana Jones fedora! Get over yourself! To add insult to injury, he also puts down his friends. In one part of the game, Dizzy berates one of his egg friends, Denzil (??) for using the words "awesome" and "most excellent." "Uh yeah, whatever Denzil," are his exact words, I believe. What kind of hero is this? A self-involved, narcissistic egg with delusions of grandeur and a messiah complex? Codemasters, you crazy!

Dizzy has a decent game to back up his mental problems, though. The goal is to save his girlfriend Daisy from an evil wizard who has her trapped in his castle. Dizzy must collect items he finds around him and use them at the appropriate place. Found a pickaxe? Go destroy that boulder blocking the entrance to the cave. Found a gold doubloon? Give it to the ferryman after your cross the river; otherwise, he won't let you pass. The title of the game is accurate: Dizzy is an "adventurer," not an action hero; even if you wanted to punch creatures, you have no attack. In order to progress, you must pay attention to your surroundings. It's not always apparent what you do with certain items (like the mushroom in the beginning), but be patient and the items' use will reveal itself eventually.

The only real issue I have with Dizzy is his ability to roll all over the place. I understand he's an egg, but sometimes when you jump, you begin to roll and roll and roll immediately when you land. This becomes detrimental when you have to jump onto a moving platform over water, and the water can kill you instantly. Other than that, Dizzy the Adventurer is one solid adventure game, and a solid respite from the past couple days of crap. If you can get around the fact that you're controlling a selfish butthole of an egg*, there's much to enjoy.

B

*I would have loved to see some gruesome Dizzy death scenes. What if I fell off of a high cliff and landed on a boulder? BAM! "Dizzy's insides have been laid to waste due to your carelessness," the game would have said. The last image you would see is Dizzy split in half, his yolk running down onto the boulder, and birds eating his insides. That would be incredibly satisfying.

#180 - Dirty Harry

                       Hugh Jackman stars as Wolverine in "Dirty Harry."

So this is how it ends... in some dilapidated room, with Dick Tracy inspired furniture.

It's been said that "Winners Don't Use Drugs." Harry Callahan is, by his own reckoning, a one-man war against drugs. So what would Dirty Harry say about his game, a horribly controlled wreck that looks, plays, and sounds like it was made by drug abusers? My hope would be for Clint Eastwood to go all "Dead Pool" on these punk programmers, but Clint's a director now and he's turned all pseudo-spiritual in his old age so I think the folks at Gray Matter are safe.

There are two things I've never understood about a large portion of crappy games: they can never assign jumping to the "A" button and they are so proud of their abomination, they list their names in the opening credits instead of after the end of the game. If Capcom and other Japanese developers can make brilliant games like Mega Man and Sonic, only to hide their real identities behind pseudonyms that are only revealed in the end credits, there's no reason small companies like Gray Matter should be proud of their crap. And who was hustling for a Dirty Harry game in 1990? "The Dead Pool" was the final Dirty Harry movie and it was released in 1988, but it wasn't nearly as popular as its predecessors. Winning that particular film license in the '90s is like winning the lottery the week after someone's won the $320 million jackpot. A fake meeting between Gray Matter executives: "Alright, LJN just got the rights to Beetlejuice, The Addams Family, X-Men. Sunsoft got the rights to Batman. What's left?" One slick-haired exec raises his hand and says, "Did anyone see "The Dead Pool?" Dirty Harry's coming back, people, and we gotta snatch up the license before any of these hotshot companies do." High fives and cheap turkey sandwiches were had in celebration.

Dirty Harry is about killing the bad guys and going to the next level, but you wouldn't know it from the way Harry plays. "A" and "B" together is jump, for starters, which is an automatic letter downgrade for me. This is not difficult, people. If you've ever played one Nintendo game in your life, then you should know that "A" is always jump. ALWAYS AND FOREVER! But let's forgo Harry's jumping problem. Harry has two abilities, punching and shooting. Shooting is, of course, the preferred method as you don't have to get too close to the constantly regenerating waves of thugs. Unfortunately, you have a limited supply of bullets, so your fists better be ready to do some talkin'. Unless you hit the thugs at precisely the right angle, they will always hit you or shoot you or drop a net on you (for serious). It's easier just to avoid them if you can. When you press Start, you see that Harry has a lot of items to choose from in his inventory, but only if you collect them on your way. Entering buildings and smashing open dressers and drawers with your kicks (which happen by pressing "Up" and "A" – the epitome of convenience!) was the only way to collect said items and they were only necessary at brief moments. Also, for a game that's all about killing, there was a lot of exploring that led to nowhere. Try to avoid the exploring portions if you can and just move forward. Or you could just turn the game off. No one would judge you for that.

F

#179 - Digger T. Rock: The Legend of the Lost City

I think I hear Randy Newman singing the theme song for this in the background.

You can hit that wall with your shovel all you like, Digger, it's not going anywhere.

Sometimes simplicity is best. Instead of calling this game Digger T. Rock: How Digger Got His Groove Back and Legended the Lost City's Face In Like a Boss, Rare should have titled it Digger. Bam! The name has the same meaning sans needless subtitle. Seriously, does the subtitle make the game sound any more appealing? It shouldn't and perhaps that's the point. This game is on the bad side of mediocre. Your protagonist is a young archaeologist armed only with a shovel and a few knick-knacks he finds in the levels/caves he explore, like dynamite, rope ladder, and gems. All of the aforementioned items are useful to furthering one's progress, but it's hard to care when exploring the caves themselves is boring and tedious. Who likes shoveling through layers of brick for no reason? Who likes falling two feet and losing half their life (this isn't Donkey Kong here, c'mon)? Who likes having wave after wave of mosquitos and moles attack you when all you have is your shovel to bat them away? I can't tell if Rare wanted to make an action/puzzle hybrid or just a stupid game with a stupid protagonist. Sadly, it wouldn't be the last timeRare would indulge in this tripe. The premise – exploring underground caverns in order to find a lost city – is interesting. The execution – young adventurer tries to find a lost city, but can't make it a few yards without hurting himself – is painful.

D

#178 - Dig Dug II: Trouble in Paradise

                                              Drill, Dig Dug! Drill like a boss!

 Pretty much every level looks like this, which means gameplay gets tedious after awhile

Well, I'll be hornswoggled: the original Dig Dug was never released on the NES in America, at least according to GameFAQS. For those who have never heard of the series, the original has you playing a devil-may-care exterminator who has to "dig" through layers of gritty sand to blow-up your enemies. Seriously, you attach a pump to them, fill them full of air and they explode like balloons. It's fantastic and twisted, and like all arcade classics, the farther you go, the more enemies they throw at you and the faster you have to be with your mad pumpin' skillz. Dig Dug IIshovels out the concept of digging underground, and throws you onto islands (hence the "Paradise"), which as you may know, are very much above ground. There are carefully placed holes around the island and you can drill into them to break off sections of the island and hopefully take some enemies down. The more enemies you kill via your island-decimating ways, the more points you get and the more accomplished you feel as an exterminator and probably as a man. However, if you want to preserve the islands for future generations, you can still bust out your trusty old pump and blow up your enemies, like your exterminator forefathers did. I dunno. The new island settings are interesting for awhile, but 72 levels worth is slight overkill. The strategy involved with avoiding enemies while trying to take off chunks of the island is interesting, but almost feels too involved for a game as simple as Dig Dug; especially when you still have the option to blow up your enemies, like in the first game. Not bad, but I'd recommend the original tried and true Dig Dug before this one.

B-

#177 - Die Hard

          "Die Hard or Die Tryin'" is actually the title of 50 Cent's latest masterwork

Thanks go to Vizzed.com for this screenshot. It's not their fault the game slightly resembles blue raspberry poo.

I've never seen the actual movie "Die Hard," so I had little to no information going into this game. Something about bombs and buildings and terrorists, right? Sounds legit. You play as John McClane and your goal (I think) is to save a building from being destroyed because you're played by Bruce Willis and you're awesome and you think the building is pretty awesome too, which is why you want to save it. All 35 levels of the building are at your disposal to explore and get shot at by random polo shirt wearing douchebags. Many of said douchebags ("Bro, this is vintage Fitch, don't get your blood on me!") have keys that allow you access to places where you need to go, but in order to get the keys, you have to kill them. While the bros go down in one hit, they will spew out bullets like the remnants of last night's kegger and you only have one life, so beware. Honestly, there didn't seem to be much to the game. Collect a key here, get shot at there, get annoyed when bullets hit you because your stuff flies everywhere on the screen. Die Hardalso sports some of the worst graphics I've seen in a while. Is John McClane supposed to look like a crippled Lego character? A lot of GameFAQS reviewers like this one because they probably grew up with both the game and the movie. I grew up with neither, but I'm sure the movie's at least mildly entertaining.

D

#176 - Dick Tracy

               Dick Tracy's fever dreams involve purple roads and a polka-dot sky.

                               
                                              4th and B, shee?

Dick Tracy's got nothing on Philip Marlowe, but he is a decent private detective in his own right. He certainly has a more memorable cast of villains than Marlowe and a snazzier wardrobe to boot. Dick's movie was an all-star production, filled with a great cast and terrific art production, while Marlowe's works have had a harder time translating well to the screen (depending on who you ask). As for Dick's self-titled game on the NES, well, it could be a lot worse, but it could also be a lot better depending on what you expect.

In the beginning of the game, you're given one clue for your case and it's up to you to go and find the rest. To do so, you get in your oversized paddywagon and venture out into the streets. The driving portion of the game can be frustrating, as the map is large, and it may take you a while to find the places you need to go. Also, snipers shoot at your car from the roof and it's near impossible to hit them back. Once you enter a building, the game turns into a beat-em-up side-scroller. Clues are often highlighted by the word "Clue" and an arrow pointing directly to the clue, so no real amount of effort or puzzle solving goes into the game, which is a disappointment. You can also interrogate suspects along the way, and once you have all the clues you need, arrest them if it's the right person. The latter portion is probably the most interesting and "detective" like portion of the game.

I admire that Bandai tried to make a full-fledged game with diverse gameplay. Unfortunately, the driving portions can be tedious, thanks to the snipers and lack of direction. The beat-em-up portions are standard and moderately entertaining, but I wish you would have had to search more carefully for clues. All in all, the game isn't a complete loss, and Dick himself shouldn't be too ashamed that it bears his name. A game featuring Marlowe would probably be a slower, more methodical romp filled with puzzles, less action, and more one-liners. Perhaps something more like Deja Vu? That's what I wish Dick Tracy would have been.

C