#247 - Galaxy 5000: Racing in the 51st Century

              I hope the future holds more interesting things than poo weaponry.

            You're the best... AROUND! NOTHING'S EVER GONNA KEEP YOU DOWN!


Thanks to those who responded to the feedback. I really appreciated everyone's comments. Now back to the reviews!

Galaxy, Galaga, Galactic, they all come out the same color in the end. Galaxy 5000 is a intergalactic racing game about dreams and what you need to accomplish and achieve said dreams. A big honking grey spacecraft, you say? Only if you want your dreams to come true. Some foreboding expensive weapon add-on named "The Crusher," you say? Yeah, this'll help, son, but don't get too cocky: the other racers probably have similar weapon upgrades. Each series of races is held on different planets in the solar system. It starts off with Mercury, then moves to Venus, then to Pluto (woops) with each series of races getting progressively more difficult, and as a result, interesting. I wasn't really impressed with the game until it moved to Venus and actually started giving birth to challenge. Each planet has four races, with each race consisting of the same track layout, but different obstacles set into play. At first, there are little blockades to maneuver around, but eventually turrets get put up, accelerators, bouncy balls, and finally, a Chuck E Cheese playland (actual playland to be constructed in the 52nd century). The whole galaxy is against you achieving your dream of becoming the world's first Intergalactic Racer Extraordinaire. Luckily, your spacecraft controls like a dream, at least with the "Alpha" controls (I didn't test the "Beta" controls, due to the "Alpha" set being so darn easy/dreamy). It's not difficult to win here and there, but it is harder to stay ahead in some of the later races. As far as I could tell, you never really die or get disqualified, unless you refuse to repair your ship after every race. Take care of your ship! She's your pride and joy and the one-way ticket out of your scuzzy studio apartment on Neptune! Yeah, Galaxy 5000 may not look or sound pretty, but it's got replay in spades. Literal spades!

B+

Comments, feedbacks, suggestions

Well, as the post headline says... comments, feedback, suggestions. Anyone? The implication behind each and every post is that I welcome any and everyone's insight, but I never seem to get any. Either no one is really reading or they like what I'm doing and wish me to keep up the good work.

I feel the need to ask for thoughts or suggestions at this point. I'm almost a third of the way through the entire NES library, and though I desire to finish the reviews as quickly as possible, I fear that they are growing stale. If said staleness is noticeable, I would like for my long-time readers to tell me one way or the other. I'd rather take a month or two off and come back rejuvenated then continue to decline in quality.

I have no desire to change the current format, though. I enjoy the longer reviews from the earlier days, but I can not spend as much time on this project as I could in the past, nor do I feel that people on the Internet really have time to devote to read longer, in-depth reviews. I know when I'm on the Internet, I appreciate short, concise, well-written articles that don't make me think too much. I'm not proud of this fact, but I'm just being honest. If I want depth - and I often do - I turn to books.

But I ramble. Please let me know anything that's on your mind, readers. Of utmost importance to me are feedback on the reviews themselves, but any comments you wish to leave about any other subject - like the sponginess of hot dogs, for example - are fine as well.


Cheers,

Dylan

#246 - Galaga: Demons of Death

I didn't even know Demons of Death was the subtitle for Galaga until a couple days ago. Oh Galaga, you still have much to teach us after all these years!

Nothing like some double-ship action to ruin some space bees plans for the evening.

From the opening credits where the title screen rises amidst a sea of twinkling colored pixels, to the sound effects which range from the space bugs dive bombing you, to the steady hum of your ship preparing for imminent battle before each stage begins, I friggin love Galagalike a fat kid loves cake. It's the steady-as-she-goes gameplay that drew me in as a child. I loved the concept of ever-increasing waves of insect enemies and the ability to have your spaceship captured, only to recover it – and have it fight alongside of your current ship! - by destroying the enemy that took it. Like all arcade games from the early 80s, the emphasis was on how many points you could rack up during each play and how far you could get in the game. Shout-out to my readers: what is the highest level you've ever gotten to in Galaga? My own personal best would have to be the upper teens-to-low-20s, but it's been many years since I've reached such heights. There's nothing like a simplistic, addictive game, particularly from the shooter genre, that you can return to time and time again, regardless of new consoles, innovations in gaming, what-have-you, and have it still be as fun as it was when you were a kid. For me, Galaga is one of the few games that can still do this on the NES, I wouldn't rank it above any of the bonafide, NES-born classics like Castlevania and Mega Man, but it holds a special place in my heart for its reliability and fun. Galaga... will you marry me?

A+

#245 - Galactic Crusader

Quality home entertainment that's in no way lacking the Nintendo Seal of Quality... oh wait.

The colors really stand out, as does the feeling of being in space. None of that matters when you're playing the game, though.

If the opening screen is to be believed, a witch has ensnared the galaxy and you, as a butterfly, are the only creature that can stop her. Oh Sachen, you crazy devils, what will you think of next? But seriously, Galactic Crusader is a vertical shmup, you do play as a butterfly that shoots pellets, but most importantly, it's a Star Force clone. The latter could be a very good thing, but here it is a very, very, very not-so-good thing. I've been a champion of Sachen in the past, but this game has two debilitating flaws that prevent it from having what it takes to be a Sachampion: 1) the enemies don't have any particular patterns. Clusters of them will move clockwise, counter-clockwise, squiggly, straight, and all of the above within the same cluster. This is important because in almost every shooter (in most games, one could argue), vertical or horizontal, enemies follow patterns. This allows you to learn the pattern and in theory, become better at the game over time. Galactic Crusader offers no such luxury. 2) it is better to avoid some enemies altogether, especially since there is no point structure. The reason for the latter is because, when some of the enemies explode, shrapnel shoots out of their body so fast that it's impossible to move out of the way. This ends up weakening or killing you very quickly. It's a shame because Galactic Crusader isn't unplayable. It controls well, looks decent, in that homemade Sachen way, and the power-ups are good, if not worthless at times. Why waste time playing a half-hearted clone when you could play the real thing, though? Star Force awaits.

D

#244 - G.I. Joe: The Atlantis Factor

Remember kids, whenever you're firing a sniper rifle, make sure to yell and shoot with no regard for anything.

I'd be freaked out if I saw this lobster creature staring me down. Better kill it.

"If it ain't broke, then don't touch it because you'll probably end up breaking it!" I'm pretty sure one of my well-meaning relatives uttered something similar to it at one point or another during my youth. At any rate, it very much applies to this sequel to the well-received-by-me G.I. Joe. There's nothing wrong with The Atlantis Factor, except for where the developer KID messed with the formula. First off, they shouldn't have removed the ability to play as three different Joe members right away. Instead they add characters as you progress through the game. This would be alright, but when the game is as difficult as it is, one can quickly grow weary of the many deaths you'll incur at the hands of Cobra. Having a variety of members at your disposal, as in the first game, would lighten the load significantly. Also, weapon upgrades return, but you have to manage them more effectively. As you kill enemies, they release power upgrades that bounce wildly. You must get them all and upgrade your guns as soon as possible, and once one character's gun is upgraded, it would behoove you to switch to another character and upgrade their weapon. If you don't manage this properly, you will lose several boss battles. It's a shame because The Atlantis Factor is a decent follow-up, save for these annoying quirks that quickly drag down the game.

C

#243 - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Round about that time, old man Dickerson got his laser cannon and started blasting people for no reason at all.

Large bosses - especially vehicles - are what's on your plate. Better eat up.

As opposed to a "fake" American hero? Would that be someone like Nixon, who at first appeared to be a good president, but then... well, you know? Anyways, G.I. Joe is the stuff NES action games are made of. Not only does Contra'sghost loom large in the "non-stop action" territory, but the game adds to Contra's formula by allowing you multiple characters a la Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. All your Joe buddies are here: Blizzard, Snake Eyes, Rock and Roll, etc. Build a team by selecting two additional characters (additional to Duke, of course – did you think he wasn'tcoming?) and you're on your way to defeating the Cobras. Each person of your squad has different abilities, so be sure to mix and match wisely. My personal team was Duke, Snake Eyes, and Captain Grid Iron: two beefy shoot-em-up characters, and one stealthy, high-jumping ninja. As you progress, power-ups will emerge from fallen enemies, like power upgrades to your weapon, health, etc. Each member of your squad counts as a life, so if someone's getting low, be sure to switch 'em out before they die. One thing: much like life in Detroit and other urban ghetto areas, this game gets really hard, really fast. Should you beat the game once, a second quest will emerge where you can only take one team member with you. Beat the game again and a third and final quest will appear. In order to get the true ending, you must beat this final quest where you take double the damage, weapon and health replenishments are scarce and enemies take less damage. America isn't fooling around. They need real men (and possibly women) to play this game. Are you up to the challenge?

B+

#242 - Fun House

Fun House was released in January 1991. Four months later, the game show upon which it was based was cancelled.

Sadly, this is not a candy factory, but an elaborate death trap for children of all ages.

And so, children, our time with the letter 'F' comes to an end with the inappropriately named Fun House. Fun House is apparently based off of a late '80s kids game show that I never watched when I was a child, and I watched everythingfrom about '89 to '95. My poor television watching habits aside, Fun Houseis an incredibly simplistic game, disguised as difficult due to its abominable control scheme. There are six levels per section of the "Fun House" and twelve sections to the actual "Fun House." The goal to each level is to throw a red ball at some golden circular objects to make them explode. Sometimes they're numbered, sometimes they're not, but once you've destroyed them all, you get a key and the stage is over. The further into the "Fun House" you get, the crazier the obstacles become: arrow tiles, ice patches, blobular things that push you away from where you're trying to go. Interestingly, none of this would be difficult, if your controls weren't programmed by some elementary school dropout. The "D" pad is only used to turn you, while "A" actually moves you forward. Since the game employs a top-down view, I can understand the need for non-conventional controls, but for crying out helen, I never got used to it. DO NOT TRY TO FIX SOMETHING THAT ISN'T BROKEN HI-TECH EXPRESSIONS. Thankfully, the game's easy enough in its own right but that's no reason for you to play this poor rendition of a game show that no one – not even someone who ingested insane amounts of TV – remembers or cares about.

F

#241 - Friday the 13th

                          Jason and his amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat!

                                     Paul and his powerboat to the rescue!

LJN games sure do try hard, don't they? Any other developer would have probably tried to make Friday the 13^thinto an straightforward side-scrolling action game. Jason would have chased you at parts, but a true fight would have come only at the end. You would have killed Jason only to find that ::gasp:: he wasn't the final boss! Jason's mother would be the last Incarnation and her true form would be something similar to the Alien Queen! How sweet would that have been? Only LJN would think to add puzzle elements, fetch quests, and a vague sense of progression. Goals range from collecting weapons to fighting Jason (or his mother's severed head), lighting fireplaces, collecting children, fighting Jason some more, and trying not to die. The environments – the whole game takes place in a campground, natch – are repeated throughout the entire game. The enemies are all mindless zombies, except for Jason who is a mindless powerhouse that can overtake you constantly. Truthfully – and I can't believe I'm about to admit this about an LJN game – the gameplay isn't awful. It's just obtuse. One can get lost in the repeating environments and it's incredibly hard not to die when Jason comes on screen. Even the walkthroughs over at GameFAQS don't help that much. If you have patience for death, death, and exploring what appears to be the same place over and over again, Friday the 13^th may reward you... and I feel a little dirty saying that.

B-

#240 - Freedom Force

The ultimate Zapper Gun Game? And Duran Duran co-wrote the script? I need to play this!

The game's quite bloody for an early NES game. Also, don't be fooled by the woman in a purple dress: she's really an old crone that will transform you into a wise-cracking cat with sunglasses if you're not careful.

Freedom Force is, by all rights and means, the spiritual successor to Hogan's Alley. Were it Nintendo developed, I would call this game Hogan's Alley Part II: Blood-Red Streets.The reason for the comparison? Freedom Force has you shooting bad guys and avoiding hostages, just like in Hogan's Alley. The difference? Faster gameplay, a variety of weapons (to acquire, shoot the bottom right hand side of the screen when a different weapon flashes), and real challenge. The opening cinematic also draws you in, with its excellent cinematography and delicious mid-80s action movie feel. The bad guys pop up at different places every time you play the game, which gives a good incentive for replay value. The game is incredibly hard, as you only have one life and no continues. To gain any sort of health, you have to shoot a health insignia the second it flashes in the right hand corner. Easier said than done. You better be Quick Draw McGraw if you hope to achieve that andkill all the foes coming at you. There's only so much one can do with a Zapper game, so there's not a lot of variety here. Still, it's far more entertaining than Hogan's Alley, despite the fact that you're performing the exact same tasks. It just goes to show that cinematic presentation can liven up even the simplest of gameplay.

C+

#239 - Frankenstein: The Monster Returns

                                       What'choo talkin' 'bout, Frankenstein?

Stuck between a troll and a purple gelatinous copy of yourself... ain't it always the way?

 

What kind of revisionist history does Bandai think it can throw at the good people who play their games? Frankenstein's Monster has never been evil: he's a misunderstood creature created by a scientist, Dr. Frankenstein who, depending on the interpretation, is just insane or filled with pride, but usually regrets his choice of actions. In this game, the Frankenstein monster (here called simply "Frankenstein") is evil beyond compare. He's kidnapped a girl and dares the main character to come after him, for crying out loud! As for the good doctor Frankenstein, he is nowhere to be found in this particular, uh, adaptation, but what is ever prevalent are the feel and mood of the Castlevania series. This game is Castlevania-lite in every way: graphics, music, overall design of the main character (never mind that he uses a sword instead of a whip). I'm surprised Konami didn't sue, truthfully.

It's just a shame Frankenstein didn't adopt the best part of Castlevania: the combat. Combat here is hit-or-miss, literally. Swarm after swarm of evil trolls, moth creatures, water dragons, raging manatees and other random creatures will stomp after you. Sometimes it's easy to hit them, other times you'll swear you hit an enemy, only to biff and get hit yourself. Don't feel like you have to go after every enemy: you only have one life and two continues so make them count. Potions can be yours, but it's a gamble because acquiring said potions can involve fighting a mini-boss that could kill or weaken you greatly. The choice is yours!

Despite Frankenstein being a complete rip-off, there is a part of me that admire its ramshackle spirit, particularly the translation. I love how belligerent Frankenstein's monster is. Thanks to his ridiculous dialogue – "You'll have to do a lot better than that to beat me!" - he's the villain you love to hate. Pretty much any boss – whether minor or major – has something inane to say about how powerful they are. It feels like any superhero cartoon where the villain brags constantly for no reason. It's great and I could see myself powering through this game just to read the dialogue, but the gameplay itself is average at best. A sparkling personality isn't enough to make this wannabe worth up-holding.

C-

#238 - Formula One - Built to Win

                                                   That's F-1, by the way...

                       Those are indeed the Twin Towers you're racing towards.

Built to win? Not when I'm trying to race a squatty Mini Cooper like it's a Ferrari. Formula One takes it to the streets and takes it hard. You'll have to upgrade your vehicle if you want to have a chance of winning. You start out as a Rank "D" and you have to win all of the D-ranked races to progress. New York, Detroit, Miami, all those gangster-ridden cities are your first stops. Trick out your ride (2x the chassis! I only think I know what that means!) and get to driving. There are two different types of enemy cars on the road, green and blue. Pay the greens no mind, they're just going to work. The blue jerks will not let you passunless you get creative and nitrous past them. Yes, using your nitrous at all times is the only way to beat any race. Don't forget to recharge after every race because one race will eat most of it up. The racing itself is solid, as are the sim elements. The game is hard because it should be hard to rank up in any game. Alas, modern day racers have made gamers' abilities sloppier than a wet sock after jogging through a rainstorm. You want some fast and furious sweat racing from your brow, down your shirt, and recovering somewhere in the belly button region? You want to play Formula One. It's not for everyone, but if you think you've got what it takes – if you're Built to Win, so to speak – it will reward you fully.

B

#237 - Flying Warriors

                 They worked long and hard on making each character unique...

                                  Annnnnnnnnd... this is as far as I got.

Good evening, all. Tonight I'm writing a review about a game called Flying Warriors, which happens to be the sequel to my previously reviewed game, Flying Dragon: The Secret Scroll. I say that I'm writing a review... that's a generous word. I'm writing a synopsis of what happened to me when I tried to play this game as I could not progress past the initial training sequence. First things first: Flying Warriors appears to be a huge improvement over Flying Dragon. The beginning cinematics are well done, and your "tournament" training begins right away. Instead of having to learn some awkward button combos, pressing "right" or "left" is your defense, and hitting "B" is your attack. Simple, right? Fantastic! Everybody loves simplicity, especially on a simple controller! For whatever reason, I can not beat the first guy, which happens to be your sensei. It's not even that I can't beat him. If I get hit too many times, he takes me back to training, even if my life hasn't been completely depleted! What the heck, sensei! First you're telling me I know Kung-Fu with the best of them (Eric Roberts?) but now I need more training?! Because I love you all and want to write a half-way decent review, I'm going to try this game one more time. Be back in a minute...

 

Wow, I suck. That's the thing, though... I know I'm not bad at video games. I'm not even bad at timing in most games, so I'm not sure if I'm just having an off night. Not being able to play this game saddens me. It hasn't scored anything less than an 8 on GameFAQS, which usually is a good thing. It certainly seems better than Flying Dragon. Hopefully I can come back to this game at a later date and grade it properly. As it stands...

D

(Thanks to jhamaru at deviantart.net for the awesome irritated face that mirrored my own)

#236 - Flying Dragon: The Secret Scroll

                                       Ralph Macchio's worst nightmare...

              The brawler portion. Nothing to see here (thanks to gamesdbase.com).

     This right here is what fighting games were like before Street Fighter II.

Before fighting games ran amok after the insane popularity of Street Fighter II, developers like Culture Brain were trying to expand upon the common brawler. Rather than submit to making another Double Dragon or Bad Dudes, Culture Brain wanted to have the best of both worlds: make a side-scrolling brawler and an early attempt at a fighting game. Flying Dragon has guts to be different in a "me-too" NES culture, but does it have what it takes to battle against commonplace brawlers? Short answer: no, but not for lack of trying.

Flying Dragon is indeed split up into two sections. The brawler portion is little more than an enhanced Kung Fu, though not nearly as entertaining as Fist of the North Star. Interestingly enough, though, each level has about five "bosses," enemies that drop key items each time you defeat them. Also like Kung Fu, the environments and enemies will repeat a lot. Each level's backgrounds will repeat at least three times and the enemies NEVER STOP COMING. Keep jumping from platform to platform over their heads, so you don't have to bother fighting them. It's clear that Culture Brain's heart wasn't in this portion, however, as the tournament a.k.a. "early fighting game" portion is leagues more interesting. "Interesting" doesn't necessarily translate to good, though. I admire how this portion of the game controls. You are required to defend your upper, middle, and lower body, while also trying to attack those same sections on your respective opponents. You'll know when to defend and when to attack based on when these red bullseyes appear on either you or your opponent. It's unique, to be sure, but the fights themselves just aren't that fun. The NES pad, God bless it, just wasn't made for fighting games. Unique, but clunky combat still basically translates to clunky combat. Later on, the game inundates you with fights and it quickly grows tedious.

I admire Culture Brain's attempt at something new, but this game just doesn't measure up. If they had taken the time to hone the brawler section, while smoothing out the "tournament" portion, this game would see its rank on many a retro gamer's "best-of" NES list. Alas, all of the secret scrolls in the world couldn't keep me playing this game.

D

#235 - The Flintstones: Surprise at Dinosaur Peak

No child buying this for 5 bucks in Blockbuster's used section would have ever guessed what an amazing investment they were making.

                                                Yabba dabba doo, indeed.

Surprise! Surprise at Dinosaur Peak is the second rarest licensed NES game of all time, and if I'm not mistaken, the final NES game released in America. Back in August of '94, when the NES was already dead, Taito had the odd sense to release a sequel to the well-recieved Dino and Hoppy. Instead of selling it directly to retailers, one could only rent the game from Blockbuster (remember those "rental-only" games, like Clay Fighter Championship Edition? The mid-Nineties were nuts!). As a result of this partnership, Surprise at Dinosaur Peak rarely sells for less than five hundred wing-wangs (dollars, for those of you not into the show "Futurama"). You shouldn't pay the price of a brand new 3DS and a PS3 for such a rare NES game, but should you find yourself in the home of someone who did, please take this game for a spin. Taito commands you!

Surprise at Dinosaur Peak refines what made the first Flintstones game fun. In addition to more smash-and-bash action, courtesy of Fred Flintstone, you can also play as Barney Rubble. Barney controls similarly, but instead of wielding a club, he has a slingshot. He can also climb vines, while Fred can not. Barney having different abilities than Fred is only an excuse to put both of them in the game, but it's nice to see Barney after his conspicuous absence from the first game. The controls are smoother, especially Fred's climbing ability. In the last game, there was an awkward second between grabbing onto a ledge and climbing. Here, Fred is a smooth climbing operator. The levels are, again, fairly standard, although the game does seem a bit more difficult this time. The game begins with 8 lives, so the challenge doesn't seem as bad until your lives have completely depleted. The basketball minigame has been replaced by a hockey minigame, and it is cheap, cheap, cheap. It's not impossible to make goals, but it is near impossible to recover the puck if your opponent – some bald guy, who I believe is Flintstone's boss on the show – hits you and takes it from you. Minigame aside, Surprise at Dinosaur's Peak is one more solid platformer for the NES and a reminder that before Blast Processing and Super FX Chips, the NES was king.

B+

#234 - The Flintstones: The Rescue of Dino and Hoppy

Wasn't that green guy from The Jetsons? It would explain the robotic gizmo hauling the secondary characters away.

Fred's girth is only matched by his superior arm strength. Hiiiiiyaaaaaaa!

At one time, The Flintstones were revolutionary. They were the first primetime cartoon, about twenty-five years before The Simpsons. They were essentially a cartoon version of The Honeymooners, but like a lot of the classic Sixties comedies, the writing was clever and as politically uncorrect as one would want. With cable's coming-of-age in the early 90s, The Flintstones found their way into a new generation's hearts, myself included. The Rescue of Dino and Hoppywas birthed out of said rediscovery, and with the exception of a couple niggling nuisances, it is a respectable platformer, worthy of the Flintstones name.

You play as Fred Flintstone, Esquire and your goal is to – wait for it – rescue Dino and Hoppy, the family pets of the Flintstones and the Rubbles respectively. Progress from left to right in typical platformer fashion, bopping enemies' heads as you go. The levels are well-designed, but they aren't much of a challenge, per say. I suppose they could be if you don't get used to the controls. Fred has a tendency to slide, and if you're not careful, he can slide right into enemies. Climbing also takes some getting used to, though once you know how, it's legit. His wooden club also can't reach very far, though you do have a power meter which, if charged, will strike the very heart of an enemy. Secondary weapons, like sling shots, little axes a la Adventure Island, and dino eggs also abound. A lot of elements in this game remind me of the Mario trilogy, like the world map from Super Mario Bros. 3 or the way you can acquire extra hearts like in Super Mario Bros. 2. I'm pretty sure it's impossible to be a platformer on the NES and not steal from the Mario games, though. Kudos to the Flintstones for being tasteful and not overly blatant.

While I do enjoy the occasionally challenging platforming on hand in Rescue, it can easily be conquered in a couple hours (about five episodes of the Flintstones back-to-back). After that, there's not much to see or do here, unless you find yourself intrigued by the basket-ball mini-game. I'm just glad that my quest welcomed me back from my vacation with this game and not another Fisher Price abomination. It's the little things.

B

Cause it's Vacation Time brothers!!!

Yup, I'm on vacation. I'll be back with more mind-numbing- er, mind-blowing reviews on Sunday!