#122 - Castlevania

The game was originally supposed to be titled Conanvania, but Konami came to their senses and gave Simon a whip.

 

I wonder how many hours people have spent trying to ascend the floating staircase.

Playing through every NES game really puts Nintendo's entire gaming output into perspective. Games traditionally failed on the NES, not because they weren't marketed properly like today, but because they were bad games. Read my Castelian and Castle of Deceit reviews to see why no one has ever heard of those games in 2011. Castlevania was released in 1987 for the Nintendo, and, if I'm not mistaken, was one of the first side-scrolling action games for the NES along with Kung Fu, Ghosts N Goblins, and the original Super Mario Bros. Out of all the aforementioned games, only Mario and Castlevania truly live on today. Kung Fu and Ghosts N Goblins were hardly bad games for their day, and in fact, sold quite well, but Castlevania was a huge success. It's for good reason: even 24 years later, Castlevania is one of those Nintendo games, like Mega Man or Contra, that possesses the ability to still feel fresh, exciting, and challenging on every playthrough.

Anyone who's ever been moderately interested in the Castlevania series has read a thousand retrospectives on the series; articles on why the first game was so influential, unique, interesting, fun, on why it launched a dynasty, etc. Even if you didn't read past the entry on Super Castlevania IV in said retrospective, everyone knows the story and the gameplay behind ¾ of the series. Some member of the Belmont goes to take on Dracula and his several reincarnations. Later, in the GBA and DS games, they introduce several new characters and soap opera plotlines, but that's none of our concern. What is important is each person's take on their time with Castlevania. In other words, where were you when you first played one of the original Castlevania games on the NES? So in a sort-of, kind-of break from tradition, I would like readers to leave a comment, stating their first experience with a Castlevania game. I'd prefer if your first experience was with Castlevania I-III on the NES, but beggars can't be choosers. Any reminiscences will do!



When I was a child in the early 90s, I never tried the original three for the NES or Super CV IV for the SNES, and I honestly can't say why. If I had to guess, though, I'd say a part of me was scared. I read game magazines and hint books at the time, and I knew Castlevania games were hard and not for the weak at heart. Don't get me wrong, I could handle a challenge as a kid. In a way, my argument implodes on itself because I know I rented every Mega Man game about a couple dozen times. I just could never beat really challenging games over a three-day rental period at Blockbuster, and I suppose, Mega Man, although challenging, was covered in a shroud of cuteness, which made him appealing to me. Despite his power, no one's going to look at Mega Man's adorable face and be terrified. Castlevania was dark, disturbing, mysterious. While my family was Christian, they wouldn't have objected to me playing the Castlevania games, so that excuse is out. Also, I enjoyed scaring myself, so Castlevania seems like a series I would have been drawn to. ALL THE PIECES FIT! Alas, I will never know my reasoning. While I later tried all three games on an NES emulator in the early 00s (yes, I was behind), my first Castlevania game was indeed Castlevania for the N64. Like many pitiful N64 owners, I swallowed up anything that looked remotely good. I hated the original Castlevania for the N64, but later I tried the "director's cut" Legacy of Darkness and found that much more enjoyable for reasons I can't recall. Nevertheless, neither of those games are solid first entries in the series if you're looking for a place to start.

Yes, all of the retrospectives are true: the original Castlevania is a masterful game and a love letter to monsters in general. Its six levels are intricately designed to make you feel like you're traversing the grounds of an evil castle in Transylvania. Instead of simply latching onto vampire mythology, the game throws every creature in the book at you: mummies, medusa heads, large bats, witches, and for flavor, Frankenstein's monster. For 1987, this was high-quality gaming that only the NES could provide (or, if you were in Japan, the Famicom Disk System). Beautiful atmospheric graphics, mostly tight controls, and some of the best music found in gaming, then and now, provide an all-around excellent experience. Complaints? When enemies hit you, they send you flying backward. Since there are a lot of flying enemies and a lot of precarious jumps to make, simple hits can lead to many instant deaths. If you're a fan, you know all of this already. If you're not a fan, why are you still reading? Go play Castelian or something.

A

 

As always...

#121 - Castlequest

Reasonable font, cheesy character designs, pretty cool looking demon... so far, so good.

Wait... what game is this?

So I'm getting prepared for my Castlevania reviews, the first of which will be published Monday. I'm thinking that, due to the influential nature of that series, they'll be longer and more thought out reviews than the typical tripe published on here. That being said, I'm cutting corners today and letting other people review Castlequest for me! GameFAQS users, take it away!

Castlequest reviews (they ain't pretty)

I didn't hate Castlequest like the majority of those reviewers did, but it certainly is the definition of archaic game design. Hundreds of multi-colored keys are needed to open hundreds of multi-colored doors in an enormous castle. Enemies are everywhere and all you have is a butter knife to defend yourself. It doesn't boil my blood like Castelian, but it won't win any awards for well thought-out game design.

D

#120 - Castle of Dragon

The appropriate response to this cover is to pick it apart. Why does the princess look like a man? Why is the castle drawn so poorly? Why does the dragon look terrified to be alive?

Killer Croc guest stars.

Spoiler alert: this game's getting an “F.” What's with my negative attitude towards games as of late, you ask? The real question is, what's with games that suck getting in the way of good games? If I could, I would prance down the road, stopping to smell and caress the chrysanthemums, before continuing to prance along my merry way. Every game would get an “A” because life is so wonderful, how could anything be bad? Unfortunately, we live in trying times, and in trying times, it gets harder and harder to put smiles on our faces. Perhaps at a different time, in a different place, Castle of Dragon would have gotten a “D.” Perhaps, on a good day, I could overlook the game's raging flaws and say, “Well, Castle of Dragon, God bless it, is trying its best.” After playing through crap after crap after crap, I'm ready for a break. Castle of Dragon spits on my break. I spit on Castle of Dragon.

If Altered Beast and Castlevania had a mutated lovechild, I'd like to think Castle of Dragon would be its name. The backgrounds, the characters, the enemies all remind me of Castlevania, but the overblown sprites (which, admittedly, look pretty good for an NES game) and the clunky swordplay seem stolen directly from that arcade/Genesis “classic.” As with ninety-five percent of all NES games, it's a side-scroller and you play a big sword-swinging beefcake whose trying to rescue the princess. Wield your sword against bats, skeletons, zombies, and any number of Universal monsters that don't seem to respond to the cold edge of a blade. It's simple gameplay, in theory, but things get difficult when you try to use your shield. Your shield bounces the enemies back, but this means you can't swing at them right away. You then have a choice: take an obscene amount of damage while trying to hack your enemy to bits, or block their attacks and watch them bounce around all day. There are power-ups you can get for both your weapon and your armor. If you acquire the blue suit of armor, you have twice as much life, but since the enemies get more difficult as you progress, you can't really survive without it. You can get flame projectiles, among others, for your sword, but after you use them a few times, they're completely depleted. Oh, and you only have one life and no continues.

In Japan, this game is called Dragon Unit. While it's still a stupid name, why would Seta retitle it Castle of Dragon for the United States? For once, Japan was able to put two English words together better than native English speakers. At this point, I'm just complaining to complain, but there really is no reason this game couldn't have been titled Dragon Castle. The title would have looked nicer, probably resulting in more sales and I wouldn't have had to play it until I got to the “D”s. Everybody wins!

F

#119 - Castle of Deceit

Don't worry - this cover is for a completely different game.

A sad day for Little Nemo...

After looking at the cover for Castle of Deceit, you'd be forgiven in thinking that you're either going to play as a vampire that shoots light rays out of it's hands or a vampire hunter who kills said vampires that shoot light rays out of their hands. DON'T BE “DECEIVED!” You actually play as a magician whose apparel of choice happens to be a pink robe, garnished with cut-out yellow stars (according to the game's developers, moons would have taken too much time to draw and glitter, well, don't get them started on how expensive glitter is!). For those who will never play this game – and that better be every single person reading this – yes, your character sprite looks like a six-year-old with his dad's robe on. You shoot stuff out of your wand, get the key, open the door, get the other key, open the other door, get frustrated constantly with terrible controls and cheap enemies, fight surprisingly decent boss battles, and... that's it!

For those of you getting a game design degree who want to write their masters' theses on why unlicensed games are bad for the industry, look no further than Castle of Deceit. Unless Frank Cifaldi, historian of all things retro over on 1Up, can discover why this game wasn't licensed, the only reason I can find is that the game is just awful... or the developers didn't have enough money to pay the licensing fees. But, for argument's sake, I'm running with awful. Much like Duncan Meech and his abomination Castelian, Castle of Deceit's developers Judye Pistole and A.R. Henderson (let's give blame where blame is due) have never held a Nintendo controller in their lives. Jump is programmed to the “B” button, not the “A” button. It's not a huge pain, but you do feel like you're playing backwards sometimes. The magician's movements are slippery, too, as if the terrain was just slathered with Crisco. Hate your life while playing? You bet! Crappy controls are complemented by the cheap enemies, whose patterns and movements have zero rhyme or reason. White stingrays sometimes float up and down, and other times, they come right for you, attacking you with reckless abandon. Most enemies take three hits to kill, but the AI is so “good,” the enemies are constantly dodging your blows. It's so bad, it can take up to twenty seconds to kill one enemy. In twenty seconds, I could have beaten the majority of Contra's first stage. That's a long time to focus on one enemy for an NES title!

After struggling through the first level, I was surprised to find the boss battle was incredibly well done. Every battle is in first-person where you face the boss head on, avoiding his projectiles and hitting him with your own. It feels like some of Contra's battles to some extent, but they're such a nice break from the collect keys, enter doors, try not to upset your grandma with your swearing that the rest of the game gives to you, that it almost feels like a different game.

After trying to beat the second level for what felt like hours, I gave up on Castle of Deceit. All I had to do was run to the right of the stage, climb to a higher level, go back across to the other end of the stage, and enter a door. What stood in my way of this simple task were moth creatures that constantly regenerated every time I beat them. They fly around you, up next to you – basically, they're “all up in your grill” and it's hard to get any shots off of them. They'd knock me off of the top level every time, so I'd walk all the way back to the other side of the stage over and over again. In the end, the moths won. I turned off the game after spending far too much time on it. Don't be like me. Don't play this game.

F